Blood Will Tell

Is it better to have tried and failed then never to have tried at all?

Is it better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all?

My husband and his friend had passes to climb Mt. St. Helens (the volcano) Thursday. But his friend couldn't go. I said, "Well, 2015 is my year of risk. While I'm not a big hiker, I'll do it." Reasons this was a bad idea:
1. I really, really don't like heights. I don't even like to change lightbulbs in our house with 10-foot high ceilings.
2. What I thought a boulder field was (a field with a few boulders that you could hike around) turned out not to be anywhere near reality (incredibly steep piles of boulders you had to climb over, and more importantly, climb back down). We spent at least six hours on it.
3. I just got out of my cast on Monday (although I was cleared to go)
4. I have almost no cartilage in both knees.
5. Did I mention the height thing?

Things I said to myself on the way up:
1. Just look at your feet.
2. You can do it!
3. Psalm 23.
4. Pretend it's WWII and you're fleeing the Nazis over the Alps with your baby on your back.
5. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Things I said to myself on the way back down:
1. You probably won't die. If you're lucky. Maybe.
2. Sweet Jesus.
3. If someone offered to give you a ride in helicopter right now, how much would you pay? (answer: probably $5,000)
4. That rock just came loose in your hand and now you have nothing to hold onto and will probably die.

Some people (much, much younger people) were happy mountain goats who thought nothing of stepping three feet down onto some tippy, crumbling rock.

Not me.

But hey, I had 25 years on nearly everyone else. And while we didn't summit, I emerged without any major injuries.

Blood Will Tell

The real pros and cons of being a writer

I wrote this for the Oregonian back in 2006.  Nearly 10 years later, it's all still pretty true. Sadly the Oregonian is a shadow of its former self.

I'm a mystery writer and now I have a clue.

I used to imagine what my life would be like when I was finally a published writer.  I envisioned fancy book parties. Standing-room only crowds at signings.  Seeing piles of my book at Costco.  But I didn't really understand the true pros and cons.

Pro: I will no longer get up to the blaring of my alarm.
Con: I get up to the blaring of my husband's alarm.

Pro: Good riddance to co-workers. No more hearing one clip his fingernails in his open-air cubicle, or being forced to look at another's endless vacation photos.
Con: It's lonely, being by yourself. You can't ask someone which word sounds better. You can't discuss bad reality-TV shows. When you start work on Monday, no one asks about your weekend because no one else is there. About all you can do is blog. And talk to the UPS guy every now and then.

Pro: No boring meetings! No buzz words! No pretending to care about the latest branding strategy!
Con: That's all true. But I sure used to get a lot of writing done in those meetings. I furrowed my brow and looked like I was taking detailed notes. But in my notoriously bad handwriting, I was really scribbling things like "Poison? What's untraceable?" You can write a lot of murder scenes in meetings. Some meetings even inspire them.

Pro: Everything is material. Writing a book opens you up to the world. In search of information about characters and plot possibilities, you'll read stuff you wouldn't have read in a million years. For example, because of Torched I learned how to build a pipe bomb. I cried about something the other day and I actually remember wanting to take notes about how my nose burned right before I started crying.
Con: Everything is material. When bad things happen to you, everyone says, "Just think of what great material this is --you'll be able to put it in a book someday!" People say this after my car breaks down hundreds of miles from home, or we end up sheltering a neighbor when her husband turns out to be an abusive nut case. Then they smile as if this silver lining completely negates the cloud that has just rained all over me.

Pro: You'll be a mini-celebrity. When we bought a new sideboard, the salesman asked me my name. "You're the April Henry? The author?" A fan in the furniture store! And he even waived the delivery fee. Now if only I were really famous - he might have given me the sideboard!
Con: You're more mini than celebrity. When my first book showed up on the paperback rack at Fred Meyer, I felt like I had truly arrived. An employee was kneeling on the floor, stocking packs of gum. "That's my book!" I crowed. "I wrote that!" She looked up at me and shrugged. " I don't read," she said, matter-of-factly. It was clear that she could read, but didn't want to.

Pro: You can recognize others. There's a tradition in the mystery community of naming characters after real people. These opportunities are often raffled off at one of the mystery conventions as part of a literacy fundraiser. Mary Mason, who also goes by Maggie Mason, a bookseller in San Diego, has shown up in probably a dozen mysteries I've read. She's been a hospice patient, a murder victim, and in my favorite instance, she made an appearance in a Robert Crais mystery. Her alter ego was actually two --identical twin 6-foot hookers with dragon tattoos --one named Maggie Mason and the other named Mary Mason.

Con: Others will recognize themselves. Stick to your guns, no matter what anyone asks. You write fiction. You make stuff up. If anyone thinks a character resembles someone in real life: deny, deny, deny. It's simply a coincidence that the bad guy looks remarkably like your old boss, or that a whiny character uses the same annoying catchphrase that your old boyfriend used to use. The only thing I admit to: The characters in "Circles of Confusion" had the same last names as kids in my first-grade class.

Pro: You will have fans. It used to be hard to connect with authors. I know, because I used to write actual letters on paper to authors in care of their publishers. And usually, after many months, I would get a note back. That's why I have a postcard from Roald Dahl I got when I was 12, as well as letters from Susan Fromberg Schaeffer, David Brim and Elinor Lipman. Now it's easy to get in touch with writers. Almost everyone has a Web site, and quite a few have a blog or a MySpace or a Facebook. (I have all four.) You can drop your favorite author a note and usually get a reply in a day or two. Every author enjoys hearing that you liked his or her book.

Con: Some of your fans will be crazy. I've known authors with stalkers, including one woman who wrote thrillers and actually ended up carrying a concealed weapon because she feared her fan turned stalker had threatened to kill her. Mostly I run into people with oddball questions at readings ("Compare and contrast your character to one of the singers on 'American Idol' "),

Once, though, a gentleman at a Borders genuinely did scare me. At that time, women's bodies were turning up in Forest Park, dumped there by a serial killer. The guy seemed to think one of my main characters was a real person. He kept asking me, "Does Claire like to run in Forest Park?" Even when I told him that Claire was made up, he kept repeating the question, until finally I stammered, "Yes, sure, if Claire were real I'm sure she would like to run in Forest Park." The event coordinator ended up walking me to my car. Just to be safe.

And my favorite pro: You could be hot!
Most mystery writers and readers are on the far side of 50, sometimes the very far side. My first book was published when I was 39, when I felt like my salad days were long behind me. But when I showed up at my first mystery conference, guys hit on me (granted, mystery writers in their 50s). Women thought I was skinny and cute and young! I didn't feel like any of these things, but I wasn't about to dissuade anyone.
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