It’s actually good when your teenager argues back

I don’t know if you are the parent of a teen, but sometimes it feels like every other conversation I have with Teen becomes an argument. My husband longs for a time when a parent’s word was unquestioned (I’m not sure I remember any such time myself), but no matter how much we wish it were different, she does like to argue her point.

And maybe that’s a good thing. Because as Time magazine reports, New research shows that adolescents who quickly backed down during an argument with their mother had a harder time resisting peer pressure to use drugs and alcohol than teens who were able to calmly, persuasively, and persistently argue their point with Mom.

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2011/12/22/arguing-with-mom-helps-teens-fend-off-peer-pressure/#ixzz1jaIfx4Hl



site stats
Yeah, even though the "discussions" can get to be exhausting, a wise friend pointed out to me that teens sometimes engage in these arguments deliberately, to hear their parents' pov, & as a way of getting reminders what "adults" might do instead. The key for me is to not over-react and take everything personally.
I wish it seemed like Teen wanted to hear our POV. However, she would make a great lawyer.
I'm really glad to know there's a positive side to this, as most times it is very draining to have that back and forth. Thank you for this! Having a rough week in teen parenting, and this helped.
It feels like nothing is ever finished. You say what you think should happen, but instead of that being it, it's just the launch point for a series of point-counterpoints.
We have exactly the same scenario going on in our house. Sometimes I think Independentboy argues just because he can. Some of the things he comes up with are so outrageous that I think he can't possibly believe in them and despair. But then he goes and does something that shows me what a sensible kid he actually is. He wanted to study abroad this summer so he researched it and came up with a fairly serious minded philosophy and economics course at Oxford in England. What we didn't realize is that he deliberately chose this instead of another more popular study abroad scheme in which many of his friends will be participating because he thinks that all they will do is party!
It's the issue we ("We" as a society) face with education, also. We say we want to encourage children to be leaders, independent, able to shape the world they will inherit. And so much of the training we give them actually encourages them to be obedient and passive, to color inside the lines.

Independence is not always easy to live with, but few worthwhile things come easily. ;-)
Good point about education.

It probably applies to lots of things. We say we want to lose weight. We say we want to be fit.

But what we actually do....
My wife and I only have a 3 year old, but we're already gearing up. Our goal is that she would learn how to share her disapproval, would work to compromise respectfully, would see us change our minds when she has good suggestions and when we were wrong, and would realize that we heard her out even when we don't change our minds.

Here's to hoping this works...