supposed to die

The last six weeks in Google searches on my phone

This last month has been hard, hard, hard.

I flew home from New York on September 12. I spent 11 hours at home, then drove down to my mom's, four hours away.  She had chosen to go on hospice.  She died around midnight September 30.  She died exactly as she had wanted, and she had been in poor health for a long time. I have heard from dozens of people about how she helped them over the years, giving of herself, of her time and even her money (not that she ever had much).

And I tell myself that no one can live forever.  Still my grief is sometimes as raw as a wound.


  • What happens if lightning strikes a plane (when we were kept on the tarmac for hours in New York)

  • Rich soil crossword clue (helped Mom cheat on crossword, but she didn't know it)

  • Forsyte Saga (Mom and I watched all but the last episode, Someday I will watch it.)

  • Hope is the thing with feathers (when I found a little feather)

  • How long can you go without eating (Mom chose to stop)

  • Save iphone voicemail (because there's one from my mom)

  • AC joint sprain (really should not throw yourself into a kung fu shoulder roll)

  • Shimmy in steering wheel (had to have the car's brakes fixed the morning of the funeral)

  • Papa Murphy's coupon (all us kids had pizza at Mom's house, and she was all about coupons)

  • Milk glass (someone wanted to know if Mom had any)

  • Bible verses mourning

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I'm really sorry you're going through this -- it's tough, even if you were expecting it. It's been, what, two years and I still think about my dad a lot (he died in 2011) and I still get sentimental whenever a Beach Boys song comes on. Your mom looks like she was 297 kinds of awesome, and that really makes it tough.

Hang in there.

P.S. Good job on helping her cheat on the crossword puzzle.
She was 297 kinds of awesome. Thank you for understanding. Those who have walked this path before and survived give me hope.
It's a hell of a path to walk -- as you must now -- but I'm glad to help in this little bit. I hate to see anybody go through this but the world is not a kind place. It eases in time, but boy it does take a while.
My grandmother chose to stop eating. My cousin and I were taking turns caring for her until her death. (she was also on hospice) It took three months from the time she decided to stop. Honestly, it was almost a relief when the day came. (It was just after the death of Princess Diana.) I didn't know someone could last so long, and I'm pretty sure she did it because she thought it would be quick. It wasn't. Her brain fired off in odd directions toward the end, clearly re-living some events of the past (out loud). So cliche, but time will make your raw wound a dull ache eventually. More bearable, but still there. Sounds like you have a lot of support though.