aprilhenry ([info]aprilhenry) wrote,
@ 2008-03-25 12:04:00
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I am a thief
I am writing this sitting in my mom's driveway in Medford, Oregon on my kid's friend's laptop. Mom has dial-up - do I need to say more? Anyway, the kids discovered that you can "borrow" one of the neighbor's wi-fi signals if you get at the very edge of the yard.

I feel kind of disconnected being in my old home town, where if I see anyone I know, it's old friend's elderly parents. "Kim's doing much better," one of them told me at another old friend's dad's funeral. "She got off the drugs and has a wonderful Christian testimony now."

All around us, it's spring. Daffodils and dogwood, forsythia and daphne. The birds chirping. Kids and I walked to the cemetery where my childhood best friend is buried. She died from a brain tumor when she was seven. The funeral home at first said they had no record of her and asked if she was buried in another cemetery. Meanwhile, a little girl leaned against her mother's legs and said things like "But I don't want them to be deaded," and "How cold do you have to be to be deaded?" while more family members worked out the details in a nearby conference room. Penny's grave was eventually located, and we left her three flowers and I told her she had been a great kid.

My mom goes back to bed three or four times a day, and has trouble walking up the slightest hill. [Full disclosure for the women among you: if you ever feel like you have the worst indigestion of your life, please check it out right away - it could be a heart attack, and you could avoid having congestive heart failure ten years later.] She is happy, joyful, talks to strangers, and wears colorful hats. She still visits her "shut-ins."

I can see her fading before my eyes, but it's spring, the kids are like long-legged colts, and there is an ebb and flow to life we have just have to accept. She's very happy, and how many of us can say that?



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[info]mirtlemist
2008-03-25 11:11 pm UTC (link)
I'm so sorry. It's hard not to feel sad, reading your post - sad for you, and those around you. I'm glad that your mother is happy and enjoying her time as long as possible. Good thoughts for you, that the spring blooms continue to give you moments of quiet beauty.

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[info]aprilhenry
2008-03-26 12:35 am UTC (link)
Yeah, I am sad, but I wonder how much if it is about me me me: my mom won't be around to talk to ME, this means I'M getting older, etc. Being sad can't change any thing, except maybe to appreciate all the stuff I have now that is fine and good.

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[info]mirtlemist
2008-03-26 01:44 am UTC (link)
It's only natural, though, and totally understandable. I don't think grief ever really goes away; it just sings in a lower key. If it helps us appreciate things, or value our time a little more, it's perhaps a little easier to bear.

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[info]marla67
2008-03-26 04:16 am UTC (link)
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's sad to read, especially intensified by the fact that life is blooming all around. It would be far sadder, though, if she were to go through this alone, without the love and support of a daughter who is there with her.

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[info]aprilhenry
2008-03-28 01:30 am UTC (link)
I'm home now. The intensity of my emotions surprised and overwhelmed me.

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