So many books, so little time

Well, THAT was awkward

2008-05-10T22:10:32Z

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The spouse, the kid and I ended up at a Marty Wilson Piper concert on Friday, when spouse’s friend wasn’t well enough to come with spouse. Wilson Piper’s the guitar player for an Australian band called The Church, but this tour was about his own music. The show was at the Aladdin Theatre [full disclosure: when I first moved to Portland, it was in the midst of it’s umpteenth year of showing nothing but Deep Throat.] It seats 400-500.

There were maybe 50 people in the audience. And they clamored for Church songs that required a full orchestra. Meanwhile, he’s up there with just three young ladies, only one of whom could really play a guitar with mastery.

He joked that he would get to know all of her names by the end of the night. He also plaintively asked what else was happening last night in Portland. They were uncertain of what date it was (it appears to be a grueling tour), and when informed it was Friday, they were even more chagrined.

We compensated by clapping loudly.

Read more about The Church <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Church”</a>, and listen to a clip of their biggest hit, Under the Milky Way. I also like his song “Lullaby for the Lonesome.”

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Why I love Portland/Oregon

2008-05-10T16:54:26Z

1. Because I voted at home on Thursday night, with easy access to my voters' pamphlet and the Internet if I had questions. Vote by mail rocks! (And those people who said it wouldn't work in Florida to figure out how to seat the delegates there were wrong - it works very well here.)

2. 90 minutes to the coast, 90 minutes to the mountains.

3. Physician-assisted suicide. Another thing the pundits said wouldn't work. Many more people get the prescription than use it - but if I were dying and in pain, I would like the option.

4. Bands that call Portland home (or at least most members do): Death Cab for Cutie, the Shins, the Decemberists, and Modest Mouse.

5. Powells.

6. Really great restaurants.

7. If you like to bike, this is a good place for it. [Full disclosure: I'm too chicken, because of very vivid and decades-old memories involving my first bike ride in five years, a steep hill, a new bike, and a car that came out of nowhere. I shredded my clothes, a great deal of skin, and any sense of dignity.]

8. A robust library system [at least in Multnomah County.]

9. A commitment to being green, buying local, and eating fresh.

[Full disclosure: who was that in the back that said something about overcast skies and rain? I can't hear you! I'm putting my fingers in my ears right now!]

Fifty ways to make yourself write

2008-05-09T19:01:39Z

Are you looking for ways to make yourself write?

Well, here are 50! Many of them are excellent. I'm going to do the CD one right now.

The strangest spam

2008-05-09T13:50:27Z

I just got the strangest unsolicited email. There’s no way to opt out of it – I’m not sure where the author found my email address. I’m on a bunch of lists, so I assume he went fishing.

It’s a solicitation to check out a book. It’s clearly self-published, bearing one of the worst clip art covers I’ve ever seen.

And try to fit all these pieces together and come up with a coherent thought about the book:
- At the top of the email it says, “What is reality? Who is God? How do we get God to save us?
- On the book’s cover it says it’s a “spy novel”
- The clip art is of palm trees
- When you click through annoying Jamaican music begins to play in an endless loop and you can read the first few pages.
- And the first few pages are about a woman who meets a hot guy at a resort. “The island breeze blew through her mind chasing away cares like wispy clouds across an azure sky.”

But then when I tried to read about the author, it seems like he’s published some well-respected books, albeit twenty years ago. But in this solicitation, the pieces don’t fit together into any kind of whole. A spy novel about the nature of God and reality and Jamaica and pick-ups?

How "real" are Dove's Real Beauty ads?

2008-05-08T20:06:00Z

Ad Age says, "Dove's "real beauties" may not be so real after all, at least by the account of a renowned airbrush artist." Read more here.

I'm not that surprised, given this rather tone deaf episode where sometime tried to "enlist" me to support Dove.

Show Don’t Tell – My Personal Achilles Heel

2008-05-08T14:32:05Z

I have published six books, with two more out due next spring, and am contracted for three more past that.

So you would think I knew how to avoid “telling, not showing.”

You would be wrong.

Take this sentence in a manuscript I’m revising: “My reading buddy, Melissa, started jumping up and down and screaming about how she hated the fifth-grade boys.”

Is that telling or showing?

I decided it was telling, because it was summarizing. It wasn’t specific. It felt past-tensey, like I was describing an event that had already happened, rather than one that was happening now. (Even though the book is written in past tense, it should still feel immediate.)

So I changed it to: “A scream cut through the noise. It was Melissa. Her face was red, and her hands were clenched into fists. She started jumping up and down. And with each breath, she screamed just one word. “I. Hate. Boys. It’s. All. Your. Fault.”

Showing lets readers draw their own conclusions. You could say “The man was ugly,” or you could describe him in detail without every using the word ugly (or angry, or beautiful, or intelligent) and let readers draw their own conclusion.

Of course, you can’t dramatize everything. Sometimes it’s fine to summarize to move the story along or if the point isn’t important.

One trick I’ve read about is to study movies – which of course can’t tell you anything (except perhaps in voice over). They have to show it.

Do you have a favorite trick to help you show, not tell?

Maybe there is hope for me after all?

2008-05-07T22:33:22Z

This headline on Yahoo caught my eye: "Big bottom may help protect against diabetes, researchers say."

When is a hardcover not a real book? When it's an ARC

2008-05-07T19:53:28Z

Advanced reader copies, or ARCs, are sent to reviewers and producers in the hope of producing reviews and options. They come in a number of different flavors. Some have plain paper covers colored red or blue or pink, with words printed on them. Some have plain covers, but the first page in shows the cover art (I've never seen the point of that, esp. if the cover art is good enough to be a selling point - why hide it?). I've even seen ARCs for paperbacks, which seems kind of silly to me.

Well, now Touchstone is planning on doing some hardcover ARCs. (Most ARCs are more like trade paperbacks.) PW says, "Touchstone/Fireside is rolling out hardcover advance copies of its August 2008 novel, What Happened to Anna K, in an effort to gain attention for the title from booksellers and the press."

According to Touchstone/Fireside executive v-p and publisher Mark Gompertz, the move was "not inexpensive" and

The hardcover is supposed to be enough of a gimmick that it gets folks to read it. And maybe it works, because the publisher told PW it's had a "tremendous" response. My guess it's not the hardcover, per se, just the knowledge that if the company is forking over the money, they expect this to be a big book.

I guess the new hardcovers lack a bar code and are labelled as an ARC. I wonder if collectors (who are kind of a crazy bunch) will consider them more or less collectible.

100 years ago, did a female serial killer escape detection?

2008-05-07T13:44:07Z

Usually, female serial killers have a male accomplice. But rarely, there is a female serial killer who works by herself. Male serial killers are usually sexually motivated and seek power over their victims. Their victims are often people society won't miss. Female serial killers usually kill for profit.

Now investigators are trying to solve the twisted tale of a woman who was known as Lady Bluebeard. How many people did she kill? And did she fake her own death? Her husbands and children seemed to have a habit of turning up dead, another difference between male and female serial killers. Male serial killers usually don’t know their victims.

Read more here.

[Full disclosure: I've written probably 10 or 11 mysteries and thrillers, but never with a serial killer, because I just don't want to spend 6-10 months in that person's head.]

Would you pay $27 to see James Frey?

2008-05-06T18:34:36Z

Powells is gambling that some people will. They do some specialty events at The Bagdad Theatre, and this is one of them. The cost is not as bad as it sounds, since it includes a copy of his new novel, Bright Shiny Morning. You also get to hear Josh Kilmer-Purcell read from Candy Everybody Wants, which I guess is a book about celebrity. [How appropriate!] I'm still not sure I would want to be teamed with him, but I'm assuming he got to make the call.

A book the helped one girl when she needed it the most

2008-05-06T14:04:29Z

In Seattle, a girl’s encounter with a book changed her life. After reading Sharon Draper’s Forged by Fire, she was inspired to speak up about her own abuse by a former PE teacher. He had molested the girls in her family. “They had told only one another about McGee's assaults; one later told authorities that she had told her mother, but nothing was done, and that she figured no adult would believe her.” Then she read Draper’s book.

Read more here.

Sometimes good things really do happen to good people (and good writers)

2008-05-05T19:20:59Z

I remember back in July being excited about seeing this in Publishers Deal Lunch:

How Evan Broke His Head and Other Secrets author Garth Stein's THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN, a heart-wrenching but also humorous and uplifting story of the family dog's efforts to hold together a young family in the face of illness, death, and a divisive custody battle, to Jennifer Barth at Harper, at auction, for publication in June 2008, by Jeff Kleinman at Folio Literary Management. Foreign rights are handled by Anna Stein; film rights are with Howard Sanders at UTA.

I loved How Evan Broke His Head. And this was the first “adult” book my kid ever read (we were in Europe with a dearth of books in English, and I had just finished it, so I knew there wasn’t too much I that would be bad for an 11 yo who read above grade level.

So now Garth has hit the daily double: The Art of Racing in the Rain is the top Booksense Pick for June (perhaps you've heard of another top pick, a little book called Water for Elephants) AND his book has been picked to be featured in Starbucks.

Maybe I should write something about dogs! Only, I must confess, I have never owned one. And my husband's allergy issues are so bad that isn't gong to change. [Full disclosure: I hope my dogless state does not make you think less of me.]

Is this anyway to make money?

2008-05-05T13:53:27Z

It sounds like there’s a team of folks who are calling LA-area bookstores and claiming to be authors who will soon have or who have recently had a signing – and now they are in a spot of trouble. Their car’s been towed, or stolen. They need $150 or $200 wired to them right away through Western Union.

They’re not shy about claiming to be someone famous, as well as unknown. Callers have claimed to be Ray Bradbury, Russell Banks, and Nick Hornby (down to the English accent).

“Berman speculated that this gang has several members -- one black man, one English guy, one woman -- to make impersonation easier. "It's like the Mod Squad or something."”

This seems like a lot of effort for not a lot of money. Maybe it’s the thrill of it all?

Read more here.

Young at Heart

2008-05-04T14:41:40Z

I Heart this movie! It’s about a group of singers, average age 80, who perform songs by Cold Play the Clash, and other groups you would not expect. It’s a far cry from some of individual members earlier gigs which included groups like the Golden Age Harmonicats and the Chicopee Singing Swinging Seniors.

Originally a BBC documentary, Young at Heart is now airing in theatres – perhaps one near you. It’s funny, sad, unexpected, moving when you worry it might just be sappy.

Read more about the Young@Heart Chorus here.

And may I just say that while the director of the Young&Heart Chorus, Bob Cilman, is married, should things ever change for the both of us, well….

Scraps of paper

2008-05-03T14:46:12Z

Every time I start a new book, I go through an entire file drawer that I have filled with nothing but scraps of paper. Magazine articles about hoarding, or shoplifting, or addictions to QVC. Bits of newspaper desccribing bits of lives. Some might spark characters, others plot twists. Like I just read a tidbit about a gang in the 50s that once killed a man and then cut off his hands and then kept them in the freezer - with the plan of using them to put fingerprints on another murder weapon.

Here's something from the NY Times Metropolitan Diary section earlier this year. Doesn't this just conjure up an entire character? In fact, you could almost start a plot with this story. What happens next to Drew? Does his shell continue to crack more and more?

========
Dear Diary:

I live in Brooklyn but work in Manhattan and sometimes take the train to Carroll Gardens. I am a 50-year-old male, very unassuming and very low-key.

When I boarded the train recently, the row of seats in front of me and the row beside me were filled with young men and women, probably in their late teens or early 20s. They were loud and raucous, yelling and laughing at the top of their lungs. I wondered whether they were going to give me a headache or hassle me.

Suddenly, the guy next to me introduced himself, extended his hand and explained that they were playing the staring game (whoever blinked first lost). After I introduced myself, he asked if I would like to be the next contestant to challenge the reigning champ. At first I was hesitant but then obliged.

My opponent across the aisle was a lovely young woman who hunkered down and gave me her best stare. I gave it my best for the next few minutes, being cheered on by some of the group, but in the end I blinked and lost. For the rest of my ride I watched subsequent matches until I got to Brooklyn. Upon leaving, all in the group wished me a good night and a happy holiday.

It was the best time I had riding the train in years.

Drew Helstosky
=====

So does anyone else have a similar file drawer?

How can someone so present be absent?

2008-05-02T23:07:46Z

Do you remember that book, The Brief History of the Dead, that had the gorgeous cover?

In the book, if you die, you go to a second place, where you stay until everyone on Earth who remembers you, even a little bit, dies.

I felt like that today. I ran into an old acquaintance, someone I've known for 15 years. I haven't seen him for three or four years, ever since he and his wife switched gyms.

We were delighted to run into each other at the post office. We started by talking about the gym, and he said what a great place it was for kids. He and his wife married late, and she got pregnant in her early 40s, to their surprise and joy. But then at five months, something went wrong.

So today I thought he was saying the gym was a great place for _their_ kids. I said, "Oh, that's great, so you and Mary have kids now?" Adoption, I was thinking, although I knew she had also wanted to try again.

His eyes opened wide. "April," he said, "Mary's dead. She's been dead for a year and a half."

Brain cancer. They celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary in a hospital, their eighth with her in a hospital bed at home in hospice.

Mary had waist-length strawberry blond hair, freckles, a smile that made you smile, too. How can she be dead when she has been alive all this time in my memory?

I now have a back-up career

2008-05-02T17:56:35Z

In case being a writer doesn't work out, the mammography technician informed me today that I have "perfect breasts" - for being a mammogram model. Yes, spending all day having a tender part of you painfully compressed by strangers who really don't know what they are doing - maybe it's not so different from being a writer. Although I would get to give the strangers feedback and correct them, at least in the mammogram model.

Left Behind by Bush’s Policies?

2008-05-02T13:57:29Z

If No Child Left Behind is so great, then how come so many teachers hate it?

Teacher turned author Jordan Sonnenblick wrote about it for School Library Journal. You can read it here.

And the Oregon science teacher who was just named National Teacher of the Year and got to meet Bush took the opportunity to tell the president that No Child Left Behind is censoring creative teachers like himself because of its heavy reliance on tests.

Read more about his effort to speak truth to power here.

Are you a teacher? What do you think of No Child Left Behind?

I really AM special

2008-05-01T19:31:38Z

I got this letter recently:

"It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into the 2007/2008 Cambridge Who's Who Among Executive and Professional Women "Honors Edition" of the Registry."

The title was in both bold and italics, and "honors edition" just in italics, but with quote marks around it. What's with the quote marks? Are they mocking themselves?

And I'm only being considered for inclusion! So it's not a sure thing, but at least they're thinking of me, and that's so exciting! And for the "honors edition" no less, not just that regular edition that anyone can be in.

"The 2007/2008 edition of the Registry will include biographies of our country's most accomplished women. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executive and professional women throughout America each year."

[Wait a minute. Thousands? So if I'm only being considered, how big is the pool? Like does it include all women?]

"Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement."

[I'm sure that's true. Why, being in some trumped-up registry beats the pants off the NY Times Bestseller list!]

"For accuracy and publication deadlines please return to us your application form within five business days from receipt of this letter. There is no cost to be included."

[Of course, there's no cost, right? This couldn't be a scam, could it?]

"On behalf of the Managing Director, we wish you continued success.

Sincerely,

Jennifer A. Gonzalez
Editor in Chief

Cambridge Who's Who is proudly not associated or affiliated with any other Who's Who Publication or Organization"

[You read that right. Proudly NOT associated! ]

On their Web site you discover that there are many "optional" benefits:
"COMMEMORATIVE CERTIFICATE OF RECOGNITION and WALL PLAQUE
All members of Cambridge Who’s Who automatically receive an official Certificate of Recognition to identify them as active and participating members of this elite community. This elegant, personalized document is specially designed for maximum impact and features the prestigious Cambridge seal of authenticity. These certificates can be beautifully matted and framed to enhance your décor while also commemorating this important highlight in a member’s career. Our membership is proud to prominently display this distinguished document in either their homes or offices.

“An optional benefit for members is the Cambridge Who’s Who wall plaque. Our wall plaques are crafted of the finest materials and are personalized with laser engraving as a personal tribute to honor our members’ success. The wall plaque is a tasteful way to further validate one’s status within a profession and add special emphasis to unique achievements. "”

[Wow! Nothing beats a "prestigious Cambridge seal of authenticity." I think I will put a plaque in every room!]

"Hard Cover Registry
Cambridge Who’s Who hardcover registry is an impressive and beautifully bound publication that contains the biographical profiles of thousands of accomplished individuals throughout the world who have attained levels of professionalism in their respected industries. This substantial volume is a testimony to a person’s personal and professional achievements and can be used for researching business opportunities and effortless networking. Imagine the impact of having your own personal biographical profile featured with the rest of the Cambridge Who’s Who community. This placement clearly demonstrates the level of achievement for our members and validates their varied individual accomplishments."

[Imagine! I could network with people who were stupid enough to fall for this cheesy rip-off. ]

In fact, here's one woman's experience as posted on scam.com:

"I too received the flattering letter via mail. I filled in the questionnaire (after reading that I would NOT be required to pay any money in order to be listed).. and sent my information in. I just received a phone call from one of their account representatives. She asked me a few more questions and then pleasantly announced that I had been selected to be a member of this elite group. I thanked her for the honor and she proceeded to tell me that my welcome kit and bio draft would be sent via mail. I was to edit the bio and then send in the correct version for print. Soon to follow, would be my CD member roster, online password, and hard copy registry. I would also have a link to my company on their website, receive an official letter of congratulations and a Cambridge logo for advertising/PR purposes. I was feeling really good and my head was swelling with pride. THEN - she asked which membership I wanted.. the $400+ yearly rate with an additional $150+? for something (by this point my mind was spinning)... OR did I want the lifetime membership for just $675+???"

\

Fake (?), Fakier, Fakiest - and a Fun Fakier

2008-05-01T16:38:01Z

No one has any idea how true a lot of memoirs are any more. Here are some examples.

New York Magazine looks at Augusten Burroughs. "“I can remember being 8 months old in my high chair,” he said, chewing nicotine gum between bites of a goat-cheese omelette. “I can remember learning to walk. I can remember the exact sound the wooden spoon made on the aluminum pot on the stove. I can remember that the lid of the pot had a little knob, putting it in my mouth like a nipple. I can remember my high chair’s tray: The metal was textured, it had peak-valley, peak-valley, peak-valley, a small design element, a striation.” Tomorrow he leaves for San Diego to give a speech to someone about something or other. He doesn’t remember. “I just show up and talk,” he says." Read more here.

And Vanity Fair looks at James Frey, author of a Million Little Pieces. ""Frankly, I don't even care. I don't care if somebody calls [A Million Little Pieces] a memoir, or a novel, or a fictionalized memoir, or what. I could care less what they call it. The thing on the side of the book means nothing. Who knows what it is. It's just a book. It's just a story. It's just a book that was written with the intention to break a lot of rules in writing. I've broken a lot of rules in a lot of ways. So be it."" Read more here.

And someone has stumbled across what seems to be the world's longest promotional video for the woman who wrote Love & Consequences, a memoir about a woman's supposed gang life, even though she actually went to the same private school the Olson twins did. See it here. Several thoughts on this: 1. Why does she sound Southern? 2. I think she is probably mentally ill - she has been living a lie for a long, long time. 3. I remember wondering if Love & Consequences was going to get mixed up with my new co-written mystery series called Faith & Consequences. No worries now, I guess.

And for a hoax of a completely different color: Alan Abel made a unique career out of being a professional hoaxer, fooling and humiliating the media. One example: He created a group to clothe naked animals. Walter Cronkite, believing the campaign was serious, devoted seven minutes to the story on the CBS Evening News. Read more here.

Running and writing

2008-05-01T14:15:43Z

I’ve been running for a long, long time, and I’ll probably continue as long as my knees hold out.

I finished my first novel in 1992, got my first contract in 1997, and held my first published book in 1999. So I’ve been doing that for a long time, too.

Running and writing have a lot in common:
- Some days you’re just glad you finished your stint.
- Some days you fly along.
- Fads come and go (running with weights, pink covers on books), but the underlying stuff stays the same.
- You can have a bad day followed by a really great day. But just putting in the time guarantees you’ll get at least a little better.
- You can always learn more about how to do it. You can always improve your technique.

Can you think of any more?

Sheman Alexie: "I’m a capitalistic whore"

2008-04-30T20:22:18Z

The title just shows what happens when you take something out of context. It's just part of a quote from a panel Publishers Weekly held in its “Think Future” series. "The panel, sponsored by Kensington Publishing, included Sherman Alexie, author of The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian; Dara La Porte, manager of the children’s department at Politics and Prose in Washington, D.C.; H. Jack Martin, assistant coordinator of young adult services at New York Public Library; and George Nicholson, senior agent at Sterling Lord Literistic; it was moderated by PW children’s reviews editor Elizabeth Devereaux." [Full disclosure: I kind of wished they had picked an author who had written more than one YA, but maybe that's just me.]

What Alexie said in full was: “I thought I’d been condescended to because I’m an Indian,” he said. “That was nothing compared to the condescension I get because I’ve written a YA novel.” He said that fellow writers have also accused him of chasing a lucrative market. “Because I’ve written a book about a 16-year-old,” he said, “that means I’m a capitalistic whore."

A lot of authors feel disdained if they write mysteries, or sci-fi, or YA, or anything but literary novels.

For more on this panel, read a report right here.

OMG! I could even be IN the movie with Viggo Mortensen

2008-04-30T18:16:22Z

The paper says they are looking for someone to play Charlize Theron's body double in the movie they are filming here in Oregon of THE ROAD - in a scene with Viggo Mortensen!

I know I can do this! According to the casting call, all I need is:
- milky white skin. Check!
- blonde or dirty blonde hair. Clairol, here I come! So check!
- to be five foot nine to five foot eleven. I'm five foot eight. So all I need to do is stand up really, really straight. So check!
- wear a size six to eight. I think I have a jacket in my closet that is a size eight. Again, check!
- be four months pregnant. I have a little bit of a belly. So again, I say, check! And mate!

Because I get to share a scene with Viggo! And make $125 a day! And be immortalized on screen!

Stardom, here I come!

Cursing kids

2008-04-30T13:46:03Z

When we had our kid, my husband and I swore we would stop swearing – at least in front of kid. And I thought we were doing pretty good.

But then came the day when my baby, about 16 months old, was sitting in the highchair, covered in pasta and sauce, and happily murmuring, “Ah-hoh. Ah-hoh.”

My husband and I looked at each other in horror. It sounded just like “a@@hole.” But we didn’t use that kind of language any more.

Ah! But it turned out we did. It was our favorite spur-of-the-moment word to use when someone cut us off in traffic or otherwise endangered our lives behind the wheel. And there was our sweet baby, buckled safely in the carseat, and hearing – and repeating – every word.

It turns out we weren’t alone, as you can read here.

Vanity, vanity, all is vanities

2008-04-29T19:34:04Z

I wrote a four-book mystery series for adults featuring Claire Montrose, a vanity license plate verifier (there are actually are such folks) who solved mysteries on the side. The premise was probably a bit of a stretch, but the publisher thought it worked, so who was I to argue.

I've seen two great plates lately:

SIR5ER

IN10CT

Do you have a plate you like?

See more vanity plates here.