Tags: onion

Blood Will Tell

The Onion mocks a fictional novelist

I love The Onion. It was always good for a little break when I worked at a day job.

Here’s part of their article about a fictional self-important novelist:

When he wasn't blatantly wasting his time detailing the architecture of the Town Hall building or supplying dozens of fictional bridges and creeks with names that sound as if they were invented by a high school English student, Milligan was focusing his energies on crafting a diverse social stratum of characters so nondescript and stripped of anything resembling actual humanity that they might as well be lampposts.

"Each resident of Connor's Cove is such a unique and complex individual, with his or her own rich family ancestry going back centuries," said Milligan, who relied on a host of sad literary crutches to differentiate his bland characters from one another, including limps, horrendous signature phrases, and in one agonizing instance, an eye patch. "In fact, they surprise even me. I never know what they're going to do next."


Read more here.




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Blood Will Tell

The Onion does it again with “Day Job Officially Becomes Job”

I love the Onion.

Especially when they set a parody near me. This one begins:

“HILLSBORO, OR—Another human dream was crushed by the uncompromising forces of reality Monday, when the restaurant day job of 29-year-old former aspiring cartoonist Mark Seversen officially became his actual job.”

Read the rest here.

Having my day job become my job-job was my greatest nightmare. I dreamed of leaving it for years before I actually did it. There were times I despaired, but I was tenacious (which is the secret to succeeding at a lot of things, I think).



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Blood Will Tell

Former Prom King Lives Among Peasants

I love the Onion.

Especially when they set a parody near me. This one begins:

"GRESHAM, OR—Sean Fowler, the man once revered throughout the halls of Barlow High School as prom's one true king, has for the past several years lived a meager existence among the very peasants who used to tremble at the mere mention of his name, sources reported Monday."

Read the rest here.



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