How to deal with harsh critics

I’ve been published since 1999. And during that time I’ve had some truly bad reviews. One from the LA Times for my first book (the reviewer much preferred a book where the mystery was solved by cats). And I remember one from the San Fransisco Chronicle, for what was probably my best-reviewed book ever, that I read twice. Once gasping in horror, once wincing while thinking there was surely something, anything, that could be salvaged. (There was not. Not one single word.)

An author has come up with a clever way to mess with harsh critics that does not involve pipe bombs or name calling.

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Good point....

When it comes to newspapers, I look at my local one and it is increasingly thin and depleted, filled with "news" I read two days earlier on the Internet. The thing is, I like newspapers.
I truly believe if everyone loves everything about a book, the author did something wrong.
I don't think it would be possible to write a book everyone loves. Take any book you think must be loved by everyone and then check out how many one-star reviews it has on Amazon.
I did see that! Newspaper ones really hurt because you imagine thousands of readers memorizing every stinging word.
I don't doubt that one bit. It would have to hurt. But I'm trying not to think about that or I'll give up before I even get started. lol.

For what it's worth, negative reviews don't stop me from buying a book. :)
I've heard bookstore people say customers will come in and look at a cover and say "Oh I just read about that book in the New York Times" and not seem to remember it was a bad review.