This is how I'll always think of Jay Lake. It's how he looked when I first met him, 10 or 12 years ago. He died of colon cancer yesterday. He fought so hard, up to and including getting gene sequencing. Lisa Madigan (Lisa Wolfson) died from pancreatic cancer in February 2011, just 8 weeks after she was diagnosed. She had had breast cancer 20 years earlier, and accepted more than most of us that life does not last forever. At 33, Bridget Zinn was young enough to be my kid. She died in May 2011, again from colon cancer. (Don't tell let anyone tell if you if there is blood in your stool that you are too young to have colon cancer.) Her 2013 book, Poison, was just named a Oregon Spirt Honor book, as was The Girl Who Was Supposed to Die.
I wish I could say that it goes away. It gets easier in that I don't cry hysterically at my mom's memory. But I miss her more. MORE. I miss that she died at chapter 1999 and here we are in chapter 2014 and she would have just loved seeing her 6 more grandchildren and seeing my sons grow up. She adored watching basketball and she missed 100,000 games and she would have loved that Brian played in Ireland. She would have loved seeing my men.
She wanted to be a writer, and for a very very very very long time I didn't want to write anything because it felt like if I was a writer that I was stealing her dream. So I didn't. I wanted HER to be a writer. She would have ADORED writing retreats and conferences. I stopped writing after Lisa died. I stopped because I was sick then and I thought my cancer was back, and she and I wrote to each other about it, and then BOOM from left field she is gone and I am guiltily here. So I stopped. An editor liked my mg and we talked about revisions, and then that editor was diagnosed with cancer. And I stopped. Only recently have I decided that I am not writing FOR the people who believe in me and that it is not a betrayal or a theft to continue on. I bring my mother with me.
Jay was an avowed atheist. I hope he has been proven wrong (in a happy way). If you have no room for mysteries or miracles, death must be so much harder.
This is how I'll always think of Jay Lake. It's how he looked when I first met him, 10 or 12 years ago. He died of colon cancer yesterday. He fought so hard, up to and including getting gene sequencing. 
Lisa Madigan (Lisa Wolfson) died from pancreatic cancer in February 2011, just 8 weeks after she was diagnosed. She had had breast cancer 20 years earlier, and accepted more than most of us that life does not last forever.
At 33, Bridget Zinn was young enough to be my kid. She died in May 2011, again from colon cancer. (Don't tell let anyone tell if you if there is blood in your stool that you are too young to have colon cancer.) Her 2013 book, Poison, was just named a Oregon Spirt Honor book, as was The Girl Who Was Supposed to Die. 
I have had a hard time moving on from the grief of losing friends. Hugs all around.
She wanted to be a writer, and for a very very very very long time I didn't want to write anything because it felt like if I was a writer that I was stealing her dream. So I didn't. I wanted HER to be a writer. She would have ADORED writing retreats and conferences. I stopped writing after Lisa died. I stopped because I was sick then and I thought my cancer was back, and she and I wrote to each other about it, and then BOOM from left field she is gone and I am guiltily here. So I stopped.
An editor liked my mg and we talked about revisions, and then that editor was diagnosed with cancer. And I stopped.
Only recently have I decided that I am not writing FOR the people who believe in me and that it is not a betrayal or a theft to continue on.
I bring my mother with me.
Lisa