So far, I've had a frank conversation with someone I respect but who also used an exaggerated campy "gay" voice to make some points. I think it was eye-opening for both of us.
And in three weeks, I'm signed up to do that Urban Escape and Evasion class, which includes a day spent trying to elude pursuers after you are "kidnapped."
This past weekend, I competed in a Brazilian Jiujitsu (grappling tournament). In this tournament, we were split up by gender, but in my grappling classes I grapple with men, usually only with men since none of the other women in my school regularly take BJJ class. One of my regular partners is 228 pounds, which let me tell you is a lot of weight when someone centers it and pins you.
For a long, long time, I said there was no way I would grapple past what I needed to do for whatever color of sash I was working on in kung fu. It felt too ob-gyn-y. Too rape-y. You couldn't tell me that one of the best positions was on your back with your legs wrapped around some guy's waist. It seemed too vulnerable and weird.
Guys will often grow up wrestling with their friends. None of the girls I know ever did that.
But then my kung fu school started offering BJJ classes four times a week and I started going to them. I am still don't have a very good offense. And at my gender and my age and my weight compared to many of my partners, I mostly play defense. But I have a damn good defense.