September 26th, 2009

Stuff is falling off my plate

Okay, I have a book due in five days.

And a ton of events in the next two weeks.

And I'm teaching a class.

So yesterday, I:

- Wrote 2 chapters

- Started transferring the book from Scrivener to Word

- Edited three chapters

- Took car in for oil change. Heard something about torn CV boot that ended up equaling "come back later with $375"

- Learned that two Powerpoints were due in five days.

- Tried to learn Keynote (I know Powerpoint pretty well), which is what I have now, is the Mac version of PPT and which can export documents as PPT

- Got frantic email from Wordstock conference coordinator asking me why I hadn't filled out questionnaire from Willamette Week. Email did not include questionnaire in question.

- Tried to find someone who did have questionnaire so I could actually complete the damn thing.

- Created two Keynote presentations.

- Had someone describe to me exactly what someone's head would like if it were shot with a rifle from 10 feet away. Description involved smashing a grape with a hammer.

- Picked up husband and bike because it was getting dark and he did not have light.

- Completed questionnaire. It was clear answers were meant to be provocative and funny ("What book is overrated? Be honest." "Fight Club time: If you could fight one author (or critic), who would it be and why?"). Tried not to be so provocative that I will end up fighting with an author virtually or at Wordstock.

- Figured out what I would talk about at next class based on two samples turned in by my class (dialog and back story).

- Researched treatment options for a character's breast cancer. Figure that I will never get breast cancer because it would now be ironic.

- Was just about ready to eat dinner when Teen called - she and her friends were stranded at mall. Could I pick them up?

- Eavesdropped on Teen and friends while they talked about teachers and classes. It's all material, baby!

- Ate cold dinner at 9:30.

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Okay, people, it's a JOKE - and a pretty funny one

I saw someone's horrified post about this article about Reading Rainbow in The Onion. How could they not get that it was a satire? How could they not have heard of The Onion? For one thing, if you work in an office, going to The Onion's web site for five minutes can save your sanity.

The imaginary article begins:

My Living Nightmare Of Encouraging Kids To Read Is Over
SEPTEMBER 24, 2009 | ISSUE 45•39

Thank god.

After 26 long years, I can finally rest easy. Twenty-six years I spent standing in front of a camera, gritting my teeth, and shilling the latest works of every hack children's book author imaginable. For 26 years, I've told kids they could open a magical door to another world just by reading a book, when the only door it ever opened for me led to a soul-sucking career in the horrifying abyss of public television.

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