aprilhenry (aprilhenry) wrote,

I just changed the year my father died

For some reason, I was thinking about my dad tonight. Maybe because my kid was watching Cash Cab and knew what Parkinsons was. Which Dad had, as well as Alzheimers. He died Dec. 23, 2003. I googled him. And Wikipedia showed him as having died in 2000. Maybe he did. Sort of. used to wonder sadly when he would die. And then when he got worse and worse and more confused and my mother was killing herself trying to care for him, I used to wonder half-angrily when he would die. When he was in the hospital for that last week, he didn't know my name. I'm not sure he knew my mother's name. We tried not to get him to say it. Winced when the nurse would point at one of us and trill, "And who's this, Hank?" Why did she have to make a big point that he had no idea?

I changed Wikipedia so that at least it has the right year. And then I went and looked at the death notice [warning - this is probably big, so stay away if you have dial up] we put together for his funeral. And I cried when I looked at his last photo. He looked so lost. Scared. Empty.

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