But now I've discovered that the creepy collectible people can't stop making monkeys. Or as Ashton Drakes says, "What do we have here? A whole collection of sweet lifelike miniature baby monkey figurines, and they're looking for some tender loving care! You'll find them all absolutely irresistible, starting with Issue One, Monkey Cuddles, which includes a FREE [Full disclosure: oh, yeah, baby, you get a free scrap of cloth! Lucky you!] miniature baby blanket. Before you know it [This is the same wording as in the other monkey listing, and I have the same thought: before you know it, your credit card will be charged], your collection will steal your heart as it continues with Issue Two and subsequent issues of monkey figurines, each a separate issue to follow.‡ [The footnote is that they cost $19.99 plus shipping and handling.] ... Small enough to fit in the palm of your hand (just 4-3/4" tall), they're too cute for words with their little bananas, curly tails and tiny topknots tied up with strands of genuine mohair. They even wear real fabric diapers! Treasure them forever or enjoy giving them as lovable collectible monkey-lover gifts, but hurry! Demand for these unique miniature monkey collectibles is sure to be high, so don't monkey around - order now!"
Plus they list a number of selling points, including: "Certificates of Authenticity." Yeah, I'm sure that's a real risk. Counterfeit creepy miniature monkeys.