The imaginary article begins:
My Living Nightmare Of Encouraging Kids To Read Is Over
BY LEVAR BURTON
SEPTEMBER 24, 2009 | ISSUE 45•39
After 26 long years, I can finally rest easy. Twenty-six years I spent standing in front of a camera, gritting my teeth, and shilling the latest works of every hack children's book author imaginable. For 26 years, I've told kids they could open a magical door to another world just by reading a book, when the only door it ever opened for me led to a soul-sucking career in the horrifying abyss of public television.