aprilhenry (aprilhenry) wrote,
aprilhenry
aprilhenry

How will Publisher's Weekly choose which self-pubbed books to review?

Sadly, I think it will be hard to find contenders.

Here are descriptions of some real-life books published by AuthorHouse:
"Dan is living in a mouse community. After being raided by the humans the mice establish their own town near a stream. Something happens to the woman Dan loves and wants to marry. With a wounded heart, he decides to leave the town. After the most adventurous journey of his life, he ends up in an amazing world. Dan tells his story to a young mouse who is eager to go the world of amusement. The story is full of lessons, values, and morals. Dan closely observes the behavior, the miseries, and the troubles of the powerful and intelligent creation of God. He recalls a speaker in his community had said, "The world is changing. Man, who once had dignity, is now losing honor because of his corrupted behavior. If he does not make reforms, he himself will be the cause of his own elimination from the surface of the earth. Man is planning to go to Mars in order to find the existence of life, meanwhile he has made his own plant miserable for all that exist on it." A tiny creature - and insignificant being brings back wisdom and knowledge that heals the wounds, refreshes the souls, and quenches the thirst."

"[Name of Book] is a good tool to entertain, create laughter, and help potty train children. Even many of us adults find doo-doo and bodily functions quite comical. Children tend to hold their poop when they’re busy playing, but as they all soon find out, it can cause constipation. In this book, we will see how Donny copes with the consequences of his common mistake and how he learns that more playing time is not at all worth a stomach ache and the sufferance of a prune.."

" The narrative bears the reader through an interactive world of rural conflict acted out in the lives of a fascinating set of believable country folk with the delectable Alice at the heart of everything. This work is a celebration of the true glory of independent womanhood in the form of Alice who bestows the artichokes of her largesse upon mankind in the person of Boy."

And from an ad taken out in the NYT book review by another self-publisher, Jones Harvest: "[Name of book] presents evidence to prove the existence of ancient astronauts, known as the Anunnaki, who created Homo sapiens. The book details how the modern species of humans was formed via genetic manipulations between Homo erectus and the Anunnaki."

This particular publisher is also involved with the domain names Starredreview.com and AuthorCelebrity.com. How much extra do you think authors pay to be on those sites? (For more about Jones Harvest, check out: http://accrispin.blogspot.com/2009/01/victoria-strauss-jones-harvest.html).



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