S&S Press Release: "Simon & Schuster and God Ink Deal"
New York, N.Y., November 30, 2010 -- It was announced today that the rights to a new memoir by God - Supreme Being, wellspring of existence, quintessence of glory, and source of everlasting life - have been acquired by Simon & Schuster.
"We are pleased and honored to add the Lord Almighty to our list of notable authors," said Executive Vice President and Publisher Jonathan Karp.
The as-yet-untitled testament which Karp says he plans to publish in late 2011--in time for the busy pre-Armageddon retail season--will be semi-autobiographical in nature. Senior editor Sarah Knight says this time around God "very much wants His words to be clearly understood, as opposed to 'interpreted,' which has gotten people into trouble in the past. To that end He will be abandoning his familiar 'thee and thou' format for a folksier, 'thee and you' approach that I and everyone in marketing believe will highlight his omniscience without making him seem like a know-it-all."
God is represented by a burning bush, the Greek letters a and ‡, and, in this case, the Levine Greenberg Literary Agency, the same agency that represents David Javerbaum, 11-time Emmy Award winner for his work as writer, head writer and executive producer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, co-author of America: The Book and Earth: The Book, and author of What to Expect When You're Expected.
The book will in part be a look back on His career, starting with the Garden of Eden ("That's right, I did create Adam and Steve. And they were a great couple... until they ate of The Tree of the Knowledge That You're Gay"). From there, God will move on to address such hot-button topics as prayer in school ("I have never answered a single prayer that I've received from a public school. I just don't think it's right") and evolution ("Planting the millions of pieces of evidence for evolution was one of the most exhausting things I've ever had to do. But it was worth it to see the looks on the faces of Darwinian biologists when they die and realize they're in hell.") He will also put to rest long-standing disputes concerning which athletes and teams he actually supports, and will offer his "inside picks" for the next ninety-three Super Bowls.
God has been grabbing headlines ever since first creating the universe. Indeed, the multi-talented deity has been involved in the development of every single thing that has ever happened, including the Crusades, plate tectonics, and Seinfeld. His previous serious works as an author, The Old Testament, The New Testament, and The Koran have sold an impressive five billion copies, with the first two in particular coming to be collectively regarded as something of a bible of their field.
He has also already launched a Twitter account, TheTweetofGod [@thetweetofgod], to help promote the book and put a 21st-century spin on his 5th-century B.C. worldview.
With regard to a title, Karp refused to confirm that either he--or He--is considering "S--t My God Says."